Today, at the Yoga Harbor, my teacher talked about change and acceptance. She advised me (us) to make a list of things I want to change, and things I do not want to change. She also advised me (us) to write about my attitude toward the change I want to make.
All my life I thought I was fat. Just 5 more pounds - 5 more pounds and my life would be better. I would be beautiful. I would have that boy, you know that boy, as my boyfriend because I was thinner and more attractive. But I was thin - and I did a lot of stupid things to keep my weight in check. I think they might call it body dysmorphyia today.
Weight loss is still my goal. Every year! For health and self love/confidence are the reasons why I need to lose the weight. Taking the pictures makes me look at myself - see myself, where I am at - and the changes that have come from having kids and getting older. Changes that are inevitable, but changes I have been hiding from because of how extreme they are. If I don't look at myself, then I don't see the thicker thighs and waist, and the double chins. I envision myself as the the 21 year old with the 21 inch waist - yes! but remember, I thought I was fat!
So the change for the upcoming year is the same one, an old one, and a familiar one, that I NEVER get off the ground. But maybe, I am hoping, seeing myself in these pictures I will take charge of my weight in a healthy way and lose it. See myself realistically! What I truly look like at this moment. My goal is every week to take a picture, and accept where I am currently at. In addition, implement dietary changes necessary for improved health and self confidence. Maybe, hopefully, I will become confident enough to reveal the whole picture of myself . . .
